


Castiel or Emmanuel

by Iwritetoavoidmyproblems



Series: Originally Posted on my Tumblr [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Kissing, Memory Loss, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Second Person, Reader is sad, castiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:57:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6314395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwritetoavoidmyproblems/pseuds/Iwritetoavoidmyproblems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Castiel, the love of the Readers life, dies releasing the Leviathans into the world, they continue hunting with Dean. One day he says he might have a way to get Lucifer out of Sam's head. But is the Reader ready for what (or who) that may be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Castiel or Emmanuel

“Y/N?” Dean’s voice is soft and gentle as if he is afraid you will snap “I think I found someone who can help Sam.”  
Ever since Castiel had destroyed the wall that held Lucifer at bay Sam had been getting worse. There seemed to be no way of keeping the hallucinations from warping Sam’s reality.  
“What are you waiting for then?” You demand standing and pushing your hand through your un-brushed hair.  
“You don’t have to go if you’re not ready,” Dean said taking a hold of your arm when you tried to brush past him. “Cas’s death affected all of us. Especially you. So if you need time, I mean, if you’re still hung up on Cas-”  
“Dean,” You sighed turning around to face him, “I will always be hung up on Cas. Okay? I loved him with every part of me and now he is dead. I will never get over that. But, sitting here crying isn’t going to bring him back. So let me do something. Let’s go help Sam.”  
  
  


The house is not what you would expect. It is small and quaint. There is an actual literal white picket fence surrounding a yard you are almost certain has never seen a weed.  
“Are you sure this is the right place?” You whisper,  
“Yeah.” Dean nodded as he rang the doorbell.  
You glance around the porch.  
“What even is the point of white lawn furniture?”  
“Ah Winchester” you hear from behind you, “Still trying to save your brother?”  
You grabbed the angel blade you kept hidden in your boot and spun around. The man was not human, his eyes flashing a deep black. He blocked your first lunge, effortlessly sending you back into the porch railing, knocking the air from your lungs. The demon rushed towards Dean, who fought him back down the porch steps. You sneaked back up the steps, Dean blocking your view of the monster.  
“Hit the deck!”  
Dean fell gracefully, avoiding the blade that you flung hilt deep into the Demon’s chest. His eyes flashed yellow before he collapsed, revealing another man. But this one was familiar. Almost in a trance, you moved forward, stopping only when Dean grabbed your arm. He still looked the same, Less troubled maybe, like the weight of the world no longer rested on his shoulders. But he was still the man who walked into the reservoir, the same man who gave you the same angel blade that you used to kill the demon. You weren’t really listening to what Castiel was saying, the pounding of blood in your ears blocking all other sounds.  


  
  


Apparently he invited you in because Dean led you into the house.  
Although you could only guess the thousands of questions flying through his head right now, Castiel waited until everyone was seated before asking  
“What was that?”  
“A demon.” You spoke before Dean could craft a lie. “He was probably trying to hurt you or the people you care about.”  
“Oh,” He didn’t even seem fazed, “Well thank you for protecting my wife.”  
Wife. The word sent your mind into a tailspin. He was married, he loved her. He didn’t remember you. He didn’t love you.  
“Wife?” You could feel Dean eyeing you.  
You didn’t react. You had apparently stopped listening to what Castiel- Emmanuel- blood was rushing through your head, you probably couldn’t have heard him if you wanted to. You could feel the room spinning around you and without fully understanding what you were doing you stood knocking the chair over in the process.  
“Miss Y/N?” The sound of his voice was like a knife in the chest “Are you alright?”  
“I-I-I’m sorry.” You whispered clutching your head “I just need some air.”  
You ran from the house, determined not to be in there for another second.  
Eventually, both Dean and Cas came outside to find you sitting on the steps.  
“Are you okay?” Dean whispered to you as you joined them in walking to the Impala.  
“Let’s just get this over with.” You hissed shooting a glance towards Castiel as you slid into the backseat.  
  
  


You must have fallen asleep at some point because when you woke, the sky was dark and Castiel was talking about you.  
“Have I offended Miss Y/N?” He asked Dean, you could feel his eyes on your skin.  
“What do ya mean?”  
“Well, She doesn’t talk to me very much and she always looks at me like I have hurt her.”  
You heard Dean’s sigh, you could almost picture him running a hand through his hair as he attempted to find an answer.  
“I don’t think you have offended her.” He says carefully.  
“Then why does she act as if I have hurt her?”  
“She lost someone.” Dean offered, “Someone very close to her and you remind her, hell you remind both of us, of him.”  
“She loved him?”  
You yawned deeply, sitting up to keep Dean from answering that question  
“Are we almost there?” You asked, trying to keep your eyes from drifting towards Castiel.  
As if on cue Dean pulled into the hospital's parking lot, or tried to, there were countless Demons surrounding the building.  
“What’s the plan?” You asked grabbing your bag as you climbed out of the car.  
Dean paused, looking from you to the angel and then back again.  
“I think Emmanuel here can take care of it.” He said.  
“You cannot be serious.” You said at the same moment Cas said:  
“I heal people, I don’t hurt them.”  
“It’s the only chance we’ve got.” Dean said, “My brother is in here and he can get him out then that is what we do.”  
You were about to protest further, demand that Dean think about someone besides his brother, but before your mouth could form words Castiel spoke up:  
“I do not know if I can do this.” He said, “But I will try.”  
  
  


You threw your hands into the air as you walked away from the scene. You had already watched the man you loved die once and you refused to do it again. You reached into your bag to finger the soft fabric of Castiel’s trench coat. Dean had given it to you when he found it. It hadn’t left your side since.  
Minutes ticked by, then you heard the ring of your angel’s grace. You pushed yourself off of the trunk of the impala and turned to face Castiel as he moved back up the hill. The shells of dead demons littered the parking lot.  
“Looks like you do more than heal huh?” You smile, looking down to avoid seeing the bright blue of his eyes.  
“I remember.” He whispered, pushing your chin up so that your eyes met. “I remember everything.”  
“Oh.” You whispered, trying to still your shaking hands. “How do you feel about that?”  
He answered by wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing his lips to yours. He was just like you remembered and yet more so. This kiss had none of the innocence Castiel had left you with, it was desperate and pleading. Almost as if both of you were making up for lost time.  
“What about Daphne?” You asked when he pulled away.  
“Before I came with you and Dean, Daphne told me that she knew I wasn’t coming back. She told me that I was destined to stay.” Castiel smiled.  
You turned suddenly and dug through your bag to pull out Cas’s worn, blood-soaked coat.  
“Dean gave it to me.” You explained when you hand it over.  
It still fits exactly like it used to. Wordlessly Cas reached for your hand and led you to the hospital.  
  
  


“I am sorry Y/N.” Castiel whispered to you, “You just got me back and already I have to leave.”  
“Cas, what are you talking about?” You whispered, unable to keep tears from welling in your eyes.  
Cas sighed allowing his forehead to rest on yours for a moment before turning to face Dean.  
“I cannot put the wall back up.” He said, “But I might be able to transfer the hallucinations.”  
“No Cas!” You exclaimed, realizing what this meant before Dean, “There has to be another way.”  
Cas turned back to you and reached for your hand.  
“Y/N, this is my fault. I have to do what is right.” He squeezed your hand reassuringly before walking calmly to Sam’s bedside. Wordlessly he pressed two fingers to Sam’s forehead.  
“I love you.” You whispered although you knew Castiel would not be able to hear you. You had to say it, just in case you didn’t get the chance again.  
Sam’s eyes flashed open as Cas’s hand dropped down to his side. Dean ran for his brother while you eased closer to the Angel. You could tell something was wrong. Even know Cas’s eyes were bright and wide with fear.  
“Cas?” You whispered laying a hand down on his shoulder. He flinched away  
“No please.” He whispered, “Don’t hurt her.” His eyes were filled to the brim with tears.  
“Cas…” You knelt in front of him “No one is hurting me. I’m right here baby.” You went to brush a strand of hair out of his face but he screamed and pulled away. That’s when it all fell into place. He couldn’t see you, he thought you were Lucifer.  
“Y/N.” Dean attempted to pull you into a standing position, “We have to go. There’s nothing else for us to do.”  
You shook your head, “No,” You mumbled, even as you allowed Dean to pull you up, “I can’t just leave him here. I can’t leave him.”  
“Y/N.” Dean sounded exasperated “Someone is going to find us.”  
“I’m not leaving him, Dean.” You turned to face him, “I lost him once. I am not losing him again.”  
Dean sighed, “What are you going to do huh? Someone will find you.”  
“I’ll get a job.” You shrugged, “Someone should be here to keep an eye on him anyway.”  
Dean smiled, “You really love him.”  
You looked down at Castiel, merely a shadow of the all-powerful being he was when you first met. The world around him being warped and twisted until it didn’t make sense.  
“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out on [Tumblr](http://mysupernaturalimagines.tumblr.com/)


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